I think I took out an extra comma too, which hurts readability.

Personally I write with too many asides, normally done with commas and parentheses. It's a comforting habit to fall into, and makes getting your thoughts out so much easier, at the expense of interrupting the reader's train of thought.

I don't normally notice when I'm writing with asides so the jarring em-dashes were a good reminder to try and edit them out where I can.